Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
