I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
