And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
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