Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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