Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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