its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
