boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
