That's intense
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
