so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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