Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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