just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
