we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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