just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
