well you can't waste a boner
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
