i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize