tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
She has the best kind of daddy issues
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize