I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
