I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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