I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
