Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
