im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
did i walk over a car last night?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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