I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
