In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize