How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
