He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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