my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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