I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
