absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
