Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
