That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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