Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
