i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize