Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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