Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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