I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
