Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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