Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize