Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
