True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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