we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
