yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
so much tequila, so little girl.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
