At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
All I want is dick and wine.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
