Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
