sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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