I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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