My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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