what day is it and did you see me today?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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