Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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