Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize