The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
