Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
