I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
