just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
My pussy is not your playground.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
