I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize