You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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