her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
