i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
