I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
