my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
