We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He better not be in your backpack
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
