at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm getting married
To pizza
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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