put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
