im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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